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POSTED IN SOLSTICE 11/31/2011
DISCLAIMER:  I’m having a “carrie bradshaw” moment here… *wink
I just got back from the last wedding send off for a beloved High School sister.  Carla and her hubby Joms were going steady for 6 years before they tied the knot earlier.  It was yet again another happy memory I have shared with my precious friends.This was the last wedding I attended this year. (hopefully please the last one!  *giggles)

For all those wedding I’ve attended, spotlight always points at me on when I will be having the same event, and sometimes it’s beginning to be so tiring.  Well actually not just on weddings, even at church or other gathering with different sets of friends of mine, it’s always the “who wants to be a millionaire question”.

If my being married will solve the poverty situation in my country and the war going on in some part of the world, I would gladly oblige, but it’s not, so while it’s not going to make me a superhero, I’d rather indulge in what I envisioned how my life will proceed.

Truth is “A SINGLE WOMAN”, hates being asked who, why, when and how they are going to get married, unless you are going to marry her.

 Same goes with meI don’t take my being single as a liability.  I still have lots of things I want to do alone, and being in a relationship and even considering marriage will be unfair for that “possible him”.

If there’s one thing I’m proud of from the past relationships I had, that would be how I took the blow differently each time, because it showed that I’m growing as a person and not just a woman. 

My first heartbreak was full of pain, denial and anger.   There was no closure, just plain sh*t happens and blame-anything-but-me cycle.  I reacted that way because I was young, inexperience and still finding ways to cope on an unexpected setback.  When I looked back I’m not proud that I got over it by being together with another someone, but just like any other girl, I’m prone to being vulnerable most of the time.   And losing a love you grew up with will make you cling to the tiniest bit of hope that when you wake up in the morning… you’ll forget everything that happened.

The next romantic trauma sent me to hell and back.  He was my first love.  It was agonizing, and Nicholas Sparks didn’t prepare me for that.  The hurt was unexplainable.  I was weighing the pros and cons, whether to cling or not, but in the end, I chose to get over it, mend it on my own, and summoned all the strength I can have to still believe in love.   There I’ve learned that relationship is complicated but it doesn’t mean that I have to wallow myself in grief because of that.  I get to the conclusion that the love I wanted may be sometimes I can’t deserve.  It was an enlightening love experience, and since then whenever I get attached emotionally if, I felt that it was a love that was never even good to begin with, I let go and never look back.

The thing is, it’s always gonna be me.  How I take on things will affect my happiness.  I take each relationship as a blessing, but it doesn’t mean that I can just grab every blessing that comes in my way.

So if you have a single friend, don’t burden on worrying whether when or why he/she isn’t married yet, unless you are going to sponsor a grand wedding for him/her.  There are always reasons why, you just have to buy it, because “you are a friend”.  ^_^

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