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A friend of mine who celebrated her 40th birthday whined spontaneously why her life isn’t beginning yet, when she is now 40.  She kept blaming herself giving up and not even attempting to save even just one of all those relationships she had.  For a moment it shook me, but then I realized all I wanted is an honest, respectful, sometimes bumpy relationship sharing a mutual trust and love, and if it hasn’t come yet, I’m here to wait rather than force myself to a premature-maybe-maybe-not-commitment.

I’ve been in two serious relationship, one almost love and a few fleeting encounters, so right now, when all the people around me are asking me to go steady, I just shrug my shoulder and tell them “I’m getting there and I will get there”.

“Courtship”- it has been neglected by the generation nowadays.  I’m guilty as charged because of my excessively diverted view when it comes to dating, and my idea of multi-tasking (mutual understanding) will evade the trouble of trying to be a “super hero” in saving relationships that have not been good to begin with.

Getting through all those previous commitments called my attention to”courtship”, so I decided it’s about time to have faith in it.  A romance chaperoned with wisdom and love.  When you’re close emotionally with someone, you give away part of your heart, and even part of your self, and there will be long term consequences.  It’s rightfully time to disregard that security of wanting to know that you belong to someone.  Courtship I believe is a great foundation for a “future” with that “special person”.

God doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all plan for relationships.  If I’m not ready for marriage, I will wait on romance.  It wouldn’t be so easy.  I might swing between the conviction that I will be needing to conceal my feelings and the urge to send signals to find out if there’s any mutual interest that I share at some point with someone.  But I want to be a woman – a non-committal testing of the waters wouldn’t be fair to that “possible him”.  I have to separate the pursuit of intimacy from the responsibility of commitment.  It’s a great task but given the weight of what it will offer me in the future, I’m ready to take a plunge.  ^_^

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