Originally written in December 02, 2010
The four corners of my room has been my companion in this painstaking romantic drift. Even if I close my eyes, his thoughts kept on pouring and is causing me so much pain.
I have done what I need to do, but ours was something that was never even good from the very beginning. It was a kind of relationship that you won’t learn anything and yet it has been so hard to let go.
What’s hard to justify is how can someone has hurt you so much, when you have done him nothing wrong. How can someone be the sweetest person one moment, and become a total stranger the next morning you wake up.
I have been so careful with my heart, because it was once broken, but I was not prepared when I took a chance only to find out that I will be sent back to where it all started.
It is so painful I can’t even cry, or my tears have dried up already, it doesn’t want to flow. This has been a bumpy ride and I would have wished that the bumps didn’t stop, because it put me on a spot that I have to feel every inch of unfairness that I don’t deserve.
He was never a choice that I was meaning to make, but I was holding on to that tiny bit of hope and spark that I felt for him. I had high hopes that he will be different, but he never failed to be so not sure of himself.
This too shall pass, and I’ll be a better person after this. I just wish that someone will come along and will make me forget everything that happened.